Thank you for sharing with us a wonderful story entitled 'Bitter things taste sweet' about how little things can make a big difference. Project 4 requires you to focus on the use of language to enhance your speech.
Today you performed well in three areas:
(1) simple, short and clear words were used;
(2) sentences used were generally short, simple and easy to understand;
(3) story-telling involving a personal experience was an excellent choice as it helped you to avoid jargon.
There is no shortcut to success in public speaking. To become an outstanding, exceptional and brilliant speaker, you need to invest time and effort to write, re-write and rehearse your speech before you deliver it.
Allow me to share with you 3 areas of improvement in terms of your language use:
(1) Use vivid, descriptive words that create mental images in the minds of the audience.
For example, 'There was a tent outside the school. It was teeming with parents. The whole place was abuzz with excitement.' OR
'The children were singing with great gusto while their parents looked on beaming with pride.'
(2) Use rhetorical devices such as alliteration, similes and triads.
For example, 'children with chubby cherubic faces', 'they devoured the food like ravenous wolves' and 'we were delighted to witness their talent, passion and enthusiasm'.
(3) Use proper grammar and pronunciation.
Some grammatical mistakes:
'quite further from the city', 'they have a tent outside the school', 'the parents are there' (instead of 'were there'), 'I didn't expect there to be that many'...
In this evaluation, I have focused on your language use. I would strongly recommend that you re-do this speech. Change the speech title, craft the speech, and learn to harness the power of words to give a speech that will move hearts.
I know some toastmasters feel it's such a 'shame' or embarrassment to be told to repeat a speech project. But I assured the speaker that the true objective is about learning and mastering the specific skill each project is focusing on. There is no point in moving on to the next speech when you have not reasonably mastered the current skill. I even promised to help her edit her script if she is willing. Unfortunately, that was not to be. Most toastmasters seek the easy way out by breezing through the project speeches regardless of the standard of speaking or whether the objectives have been met. That is a sad, sad state of affairs.
