The Touching Story (6-8 minutes)
Objectives:
(1) To understand the techniques available to arouse emotion.
(2) To become skilled in arousing emotions while telling a story.
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THE BABY THAT NEVER WAS
“Ahhhhh!” I let out a cry that sent my husband scurrying to the toilet to find out what the commotion was about. I thrust the test stick at him and glared accusingly, “Look, positive. That means I’m pregnant! It’s all your fault!” With that, I broke into hysterical sobs.
We had not planned for another baby. It was an accident. How could I possibly cope with 3 kids? The thought of having another baby was simply overwhelming. I would have to buy or borrow maternity clothes, baby apparel, baby cot and all kinds of baby accessories again – things which I had readily and happily given away after the birth of my second child.
Then I also realized, to my great dismay and distress, that I wouldn’t be able to attend the toastmasters convention in Hong Kong in May as I would be 5 months pregnant by then. I would not be able to attend toastmaster meetings for at least a year, nor can I become the next President of Katong Toastmasters Club.
All these worries, big and small, real and imagined, flitted through my mind, sending me spiraling into the deep, dark abyss of depression. A forbidden thought crossed my mind – maybe I should abort the baby. Maybe I could use Traditional Chinese Medicinal methods like Chinese herbal concoctions or acupuncture to abort the baby.
Just as quickly as the thought crossed my mind, my conscience squashed it. How could I murder my own child? How could I even entertain such a thought?
Even if this pregnancy was unplanned for, God must have allowed it to happen for a purpose. No, I must respect the seed of life in my womb. I must nurture it, care for it, and love it. It’s my own flesh and blood! I recalled a saying a friend once shared with me: “Pray not that things will be easier, pray that you will be stronger!” With that, I determined that I would keep the baby and learn to cope somehow.
At my first prenatal check-up, my gynaecologist Dr Esther Ng cheerfully congratulated us and explained the mysterious sightings on the ultrasound screen: “This is the baby’s head, this is the baby’s body and look here, this is the baby’s heart beating away!” This tiny black blot of mass was actually my baby! I was so overwhelmed with emotions that tears just started flowing down my cheeks. Dr Ng was startled. “Oh dear, are you alright? Was it something I said?” I could only shake my head as I was too choked up to speak.
The days that followed were filled with fatigue as I had to work every day, care for my 2 hyperactive 3 and 6 year old boys, and attend lessons 4 nights a week for a part-time course. And for some strange reason, my younger boy Jayden was suddenly sticking to me like glue and insisting that I carry him wherever we went. That really put a strain on me.
One Sunday evening, while I was out shopping with my 16-year-old niece, we chanced upon an OSIM machine called the u robic which was supposed to help you slim your bottom and thighs. My niece was very excited and told me to ask for the price. It was one of those vibrating seats that you sit on and hang on for dear life hoping you don’t get thrown off. Out of curiosity, I sat on the machine to try it out.
That very night, I had spotting. Blood! An unwelcome sight in pregnancy. It wasn’t bright red blood, only a faint, pinkish smear. Nevertheless, it sent a shiver of fear down my spine. The very next day, I went to see Dr Ng for a checkup. I told her about the spotting and the slimming machine adventure. She chided me for using the machine as the vibrations could affect the baby. By now I was getting very worried.
As Dr Ng scanned my uterus, I could see her brows knitted together in concentration. Something seemed amiss. Finally, she said, “I can’t find baby’s heartbeat.” I almost stopped breathing. “Does that mean baby is dead?” I whispered, fearing the worse. Dr Ng did not reply, instead, she suggested that I go for another round of ultrasound examination at the hospital’s x-ray department. So for the next few hours, I waited, did the scan, and went back to Dr Ng’s clinic for the verdict. There was no escaping the truth: the baby had miscarried.
Dr Ng was quick to reassure me that it was NOT because of anything I had done or had not done that caused the miscarriage. Sometimes miscarriages happen because the sperm or egg that made the foetus was not of good quality to begin with. She told me to make an appointment for an evacuation of the uterus at the hospital on either Tuesday or Wednesday. I just nodded dumbly.
That very night, I had the worst stomach cramps in my life. How come no one warned me it would be this painful? I called Dr Ng’s emergency number and asked her if I should be warded immediately. She told me it would cost more to be warded at night and sometimes, patients wait out and miscarry naturally before going to the clinic for clean up. The extra cost of hospitalization deterred me from going into the hospital immediately. I stoically decided to bear the pain through the night before going to hospital the next day.
Clutching a pillow to my tummy, I sat on the toilet bowl and let myself bleed. The profuse bleeding did not let up til 3 hours later. I wondered if I was flushing my dead baby down the toilet bowl. It was a disconcerting thought.
The next day on 17 February, I went to Mt Alvernia Hospital for evacuation of the uterus. It was a procedure carried out under general anaesthesia. The anaesthetician inflicted more pain in my hand than my baby did trying to get out. When it was all over, I woke up in a daze. All that was left was a hollow feeling inside me.
When the women in my family got together to discuss why the miscarriage had happened, my mother blamed it on the fengshui in the house. Why did we go and buy new furniture? My sister said I was carrying my 3-yr-old son too much. But in my heart of hearts, I knew the answer. The baby did not want me, because I did not want it in the first place.
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