Humorous Speech Contests 2010: ARE YOU READY?

Having moved on from the role of Area Governor, I was looking forward to joining the contest circuit again and raring to go.  This speech about parenting had been brewing in my mind for a long time. 

I presented it at my club contest and it was a hit with the audience.  At the PA 7th Humorous Speech contest, I sailed through to the finals with the speech, although I felt it was lacklustre compared to the other speeches.  At the Area Z3 contest, I was 1st runner-up.  


Here's the speech. Enjoy reading it. =)

ARE YOU READY?           
                   

GOOD EVENING ladies and gentlemen,

How many of you here have kids?

How many of you here have kids but wish you didn’t?

(either respond: Looks like I'm the only honest person here tonight. 

Or Wow, I found my soulmates!)

For the lucky ones who do not have kids, who would like to have kids one day?

I’m sure you think babies are cute and adorable right?  Wrong!!

That is a misguided notion, a misconception, a myth.

Babies are cute and adorable only when (1) they belong to someone else and (2) you only need to spend 5 minutes with them.  Try being the main caregiver having to spend hours and hours with a baby day in and day out and you will certainly change your mind.

Potential parents, are you ready for the challenges of parenting? Tonight, allow me to enlighten you regarding the sacrifices and challenges of parenting from a mother's perspective.

First, the sacrifices.  As a parent, there are 3 Ses you must be prepared the sacrifice. The first S is SLEEP.  This unfortunately applies mostly to mothers. Do you know that new mothers develop enhanced sensitivity to sound? This has been scientifically proven to be part of women's maternal wiring. That means mothers wake easily even to the slightest rustle or whimper of the baby. Unlike the husbands who will just continue to snore and sleep on like a baby. The only time they will wake up in the middle of the night is during World Cup season.

The second S is a three-letter word. Yes, SEX!!! Which in all fairness, applies mostly to fathers.  Many husbands have lamented the fact that they are relegated to second place once baby comes along.  And babies are the biggest sex killer of all.  When mothers are exhausted with breastfeeding and feeling unsexy with all the postnatal weight gain, what is the last thing on their minds? That probably explains why the red light district in Geylang has such a thriving business.

The third S is SANITY.  A thousand and one things about bringing up kids will drive you crazy.  You can go crazy when baby cries and cries non-stop and nothing you do will pacify him. Or the food you have painstakingly prepared for baby ends up on the floor instead of in his mouth. Or when your preschooler comes home spewing some vulgarity he has picked up from school.  The list goes on and on. I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I’ve felt like giving my kids away.  That is when you need to do some sanity-restoring activities like take a walk in the park, sing karaoke or join a speech contest to pour out your woes, like what I'm doing now.

Now that you’ve heard about the sacrifices of parenting, are you ready to hear about the challenges? Kids will challenge you in 3 ways: They will test your knowledge, they will try your patience and they will question your values.

Children, being creatures of curiosity, will constantly test your knowledge. Sometimes they will ask you the strangest questions. I’ve been asked by my kids: “Why is the moon following us?”; “What animals have no blood?”; “Why can't I see God?”; “Why is that woman so fat?” and so on. Children basically expect their parents to be experts in all fields be it science, zoology, or theology. Thankfully I can use the impromptu speaking skills I have learnt in Toastmasters when put on the spot.

Children try your patience. Do you know that kids love to dawdle especially when you are running late. The more you ask them to hurry, the slower they get. And when you give an instruction, you expect it to be followed NOW, but kids will take their own sweet time especially at bedtime. Joel, come to bed now. Wait mommy I’m hungry, I need to eat something. Or I’m thirsty, I need to drink some water. No wonder the Bible says, "Love is Patient". I'm sure God designed this verse with kids in mind.

Last but not least, kids will question our values. So often we tell our kids to do as we say, but they do as we do.  Which explains why we must be on our best role-model behaviour at all times!! That is such a tall order.  Once I reprimanded my boy, don't talk so rude to mommy, he asked me, "Then why you shout at grandma last time?" Oh boy, was I guilty.  Another time, while driving, a driver cut in front of me, causing me to jam on my brakes.  My 4-year-old son immediately verbalised my thought, "Stupid driver!!" Our children become who we are so unless we practise the values we preach, our kids will definitely question them.

All these challenges can really get you down and beseige you with feelings of frustration and failure.  I'm sure many parents here will agree with me that parenting is the hardest job in the world!

Now that you've heard all about the sacrifices and challenges of parenting, are you ready for it? Don't worry, I have the perfect solution for you.  To be prepared for parenting, we can introduce hands-on practice, like what we do in Toastmasters.  I happen to have 2 very cute and adorable boys who are 4 and 7 years old.  In the spirit of caring and sharing, I am happy to avail them for hire at a very special rate of $20 per day for a minimum of 3 days.  

If after 3 days of hands-on practice, you find the experience tolerable, or even pleasurable, then truly you are ready for the sacrifices and challenges of parenting, the hardest job in the world.

STAY OR LEAVE?

When a club is floundering, do you stay or leave?  You can't fault others for wanting to leave when they feel the club has no more value for them but I am a stayer.

When I joined Katong Toastmasters Club in November 2008, there were only 8 members.  It was a struggling club and together we built it up by running an intensive 6-week Speechcraft workshop, which brought in many new members, many of whom have left.

People leave for all kinds of reasons.  One member left because he could not withstand the stress of being VPE.  He hated being let down, that people make promises to do their speeches or take up appointments but change their minds last minute with all kinds of excuses.  I can't deny it's exasperating but that's life for you.  Others left due to work priorities.  One left without a word - all smses, emails and phonecalls received no response. Why can't say a decent goodbye? Who's going to hold you at gunpoint and say you can't leave?  Whatever happened to social etiquette?

Another member recently revealed his intention to leave as many of the senior members were gone and the quality of the club was flagging. It was discouraging.  I suggested staying on to make a difference to the club but greener pastures beckon.

So they leave... one by one...

Some stay but don't come... what's the point?  I wish people could be passionate and committed.  If they have made a decision to join a club which requires only monthly meetings, then at least make an effort to attend every month.  3 hours a month... how much commitment does it require to attend a meeting?

If you have signed up for a speech, then commit at least 2 days a month to write the script, edit and rehearse it.  Speakers who take the stage with minimal preparation is really wasting everyone's time and not to mention, wasting their opportunity to learn and improve as a speaker. 

Good speakers are a great way to attract new members. I joined NUS Alumni Toastmasters Club because of great speakers like Lau Kwong Fook and Ler Wee Meng; I wanted to learn from them, speak like them. I joined Katong Toastmasters Club because of good speakers like Justin Quek and Benjamin Gan.  Lacklustre speeches are a real bane.

Let's hope members buck up, make an effort to deliver well-crafted and well-rehearsed speeches and give the impetus for members to stay and for more to join.  After all, we are about public speaking, why speak if your heart is not in it?

NUSS JUNE CHAPTER MEETING

WORD OF THE DAY: GOAL
shifting the goalpost = moving from your original position

                     x x x x x x x x x x

One Table Topic stood out for its use of simile:
People are like teabags, their true strength comes out in hot water.

                     x x x x x x x x x x
 
From Molly's P6 speech, 'Focus on the Big Picture', she encouraged us to "relook, rethink, revise" our priorities and to chase the alternate five Cs:
Commitment,
Compassion,
Contribution to Community
Character

Use of a powerful analogy:
Holding a glass of water in her hand, Molly asked the audience,
"What would happen if you hold the glass for a minute? How about an hour? How about a day?"
Your hand will ache, it will feel pain, it might become paralyzed.  What is the solution?
PUT IT DOWN! Similarly, we hold on to our problems and become paralyzed with the weight of it. We need to put our problems down. 
 

Project Evaluation of AP5

One week after presenting my AP5 The Abstract Concept, I had the opportunity to evaluate the same project speech at NUSS TMC.  Voted Best Evaluator!

The speaker's topic was Marslow's hierarchy of needs.  As I mulled over the points to commend and recommend, I remembered Wekie Tay's powerful use of alliterative triads which helped him clinch the championship at the Area Z3 Evaluation contest 2009.

As I played around with my points, alliterative triads came into play as well, to my absolute delight.

This was what I included in my evaluation.

COMMENDATIONS: 3Es

Encompassing - The speech encompassed different aspects of informative speech such as definitions, examples, visual aids and a quotation.

Explanation - The concept was clearly explained and illustrated with a diagram to demonstrate the hierarchy in the different needs listed.

Example - An example was used to demonstrate how the Marslow's theory of hierarchy of needs can be applied to the workplace environment, showing its relevance to our daily lives.

RECOMMENDATIONS: 3Ps

Placement of laptop - Logistics setup is important.  Place the laptop where you can easily view the slides from it without having to turn your head to view the slide on the projector screen.

Pictures - Include more pictures in the powerpoint presentation as pictures speak a thousand words.  The slides were too wordy.

Personal anecdotes - Include these in your speech to enliven and energise your speech.

In conclusion, continue to use the 3Es to excel in your presentation and consider the 3Ps to make your presentation more powerful, and you will be on your way to becoming an impactful informative speaker.

Journey to ACS Award

Here is a record of the ten speeches I had completed to achieve Advanced Communicator Silver award.

STORYTELLING MANUAL

1 The Folk Tale (7-9 min)
Hansel & Gretel
evaluated by Clifford Ess on 27/1/2005 at NUS Alumni TMC

2 Let’s Get Personal (6-8 min)
The Road to Recovery
evaluated by Michael Wee on 7/8/2008 at Tampines Changkat TMC

3 The Moral of the Story (4-6 min)
One Step at a Time
evaluated by William Chew on 15/1/2009 at Katong TMC

4 The Touching Story (6-8 min)
The Baby That Never Was
evaluated by Ler Wee Meng on 16/4/2009 at Katong TMC

5 Bringing History to Life (7-9 min)
From Darkness Into Light
evaluated by Christine Lim on 14/1/2010 at Kampong Glam TMC
(2nd attempt)


SPEAKING TO INFORM MANUAL

1 The Speech to Inform (5-7 min)
The Power of Repetition
evaluated by Pradeep Kumar on 11/12/2009 at AIA Changi TMC
(2nd attempt)

2 Resources for Informing (5-7 min)
Perfect Your Pronunciation
evaluated by Lau Kwong Fook on 1/4/2009 at AIA Alexandra TMC

3 The Demonstration Talk (5-7 min)
Origami 101
evaluated by Gea Ban Peng on 6/5/2009 at Braddell Heights Advanced TMC

4 A Fact-Finding Report (5-7 min)
Understanding Lower Back Pain
evaluated by Michael Wee on 6/5/2010 at Tampines Changkat TMC

5 The Abstract Concept (6-8 min)
Understanding Acupuncture
evaluated by Ler Wee Meng on 17/6/2010 at Katong TMC

Now on to 10 more speeches for AC Gold award!

AP5 The Abstract Concept

I presented my final project from the Speaking to Inform manual on 17 June 2010 at Katong.  The topic selected was "Understanding Acupuncture".

Took 2 days to memorise the script and rehearsed repeatedly to get the timing right.  The script was too long and I edited it a few times to get a satisfactory length.  Nevertheless, most times I rehearsed, the timing was either dangerously close to 8 min 30secs or exceeded. 

On the day of the presentation, Wee Meng had thoughtfully brought his Powerpoint remote control and I could use Ben's laptop to present my Powerpoint slides.  I believe I went quite fast as the speech ended by 8 minutes! 

I was voted Best Speaker that night.  What joy!  What a sweet ending to my Advanced Communicator Silver journey!

Wee Meng's tips for improvement:
(1) Placement of laptop to allow easy viewing so I don't have to turn back to look at the screen.
(2) Having one slide per point instead of 3 points to a slide.
(3) Instead of having a blank screen for one part of the speech, include some pictures that match the speech content.
(4) Show the slide first, then start speaking, not the other way round.

Malcolm has videotaped Wee Meng's evaluation of my speech:
Katong Toastmasters Club Best Evaluator on 17 June 2010 Katong TMC meeting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amz_40oDGrU

Language Evaluation @ ACCA

On Tuesday 15 June 2010, I went to ACCA TMC to take on the role of LE.  It was my first visit to the club and due to a busy day at work, I only managed to arrive at 8pm.

Richard Sng had helped to present the Word of the Day: galvanise (verb) on my behalf.

This was probably the worst LE I had ever presented.  When I went up, I was so nervous that I did not know how to begin.  I actually felt self-conscious about offending people while presenting the brickbats.  At the end, I had not prepared a climactic conclusion and instead ended lamely by saying "Well done, er (long pause while trying to recall what club this was) Cairnhill Toastmasters Club." when it should have been "ACCA Toastmasters Club"!!

What a fiasco.  This is what lack of practice can do to you.  It's time I buck up on my LE presentation. 

My last LE was in April at Toa Payoh Central TMC.  I managed to present it with powerpoint, making it structured and easy to follow. 

There is always room for improvement.  Don't let a minor setback get you down.